White House personnel were relocated to a park across the street following an announcement by Countrywide Financial that the troubled lender was foreclosing on the late 18th century executive mansion.

Speaking from a makeshift cardboard podium in the park, President Bush remained optimistic.
“I would caution the Congress against ‘overcorrecting’ the situation,” he said, next turning his attention to cutting down some brush.

Across the street, collections workers began gutting the mansion of its finery. “Same thing happened to my Enron buddies,” said the president with a smile. “Most of ‘em got out all right.”

A spokesman for Countrywide said that President Bush had been “repeatedly shown evidence” of the government’s financial negligence, but that “he didn’t want to hear it.”

“I don’t do numbers,” said Bush to a loosely assembled crowd of reporters and drunks. “It ain’t natural.

“Tax cuts is natural,” he said, as across the street a bed from the Lincoln Bedroom was loaded onto a trailer. All the rest, he said “is just fuzzy math.”

No sooner had the collections agents begun sifting through the impressive collection of White House dishware, when the vice president began burning documents.

At least two intervening workers were rushed to George Washington University Hospital after Cheney reportedly shot them in the face.

According to administration officials, the president had been in the Oval Office playing Risk with the vice president when Secret Service agents informed him that there had been a security breach and he would have to leave.

“Who is it?” the disoriented president reportedly asked. After a briefing on the foreclosure, the president phoned the Pentagon and told Defense Secretary Robert Gates to “find something that connects these Countrywide bumpkins with Bin Laden.”