When I was a little girl, I used to get stuck on particular phrases. “Apparently so” and “that’s unfortunate” were two of the major ones.

My parents would always laugh at me and strangers would find it hilarious that a 3-year-old would attempt such big dialogue.

My love of big words has only grown since then and my vocabulary is full of huge tongue twisters that are just waiting for the right moment to be smartly dropped into conversation.

But I shocked myself a couple days ago when I used my old phrases together in the same sentence — “that’s unfortunate” and “apparently so.”

The situation, unfortunately, called for the use of both — one phrase of dismay and one of disdain.

I was discussing the hot topic of the month — the cancellation of what is being termed the “Corvino Event” – with a friend of mine. We just shook our heads and said how, despite our modernity and acceptance of change, so much hatred and prejudice exists in this world.

If everyone embraces the idea of going green or birth control, why is it so difficult to accept and acknowledge others as human despite skin color, religious affiliation or sexual orientation?

I ultimately decided that persecution exists because those who have the most to hide or be ashamed of transpose their own insecurities and stigmas to others in order to save face and self image. They’re too scared to see what’s lacking in their own lives.

That’s unfortunate.

This, in turn, lead to a discussion of faith versus good will. Christians have long claimed that good works alone will not get a person into heaven because there is no faith, acceptance or trust in a savior.

Does this completely exclude those who dedicate their lives to improving the wellbeing of others, who have lived a good life for others in every way possible but do not believe in Heaven or may not have been exposed to Christianity?

It hardly seems fair, especially when some “Christians” are the ones haughtily denying people the right to marry whomever they wish, worship however they want to or embrace whatever culture of their ancestors.

Is ugly, stubborn intolerance really the most difficult and obvious sin for Christians to control and overcome?

Apparently so.

When people’s lives are hurt or destroyed in “the name of God” and what Christians believe to be morally correct, it breaks my heart. Where is the justice, responsibility or love in being blind to the fact that we are all of one body, whether we’ve accepted Christ or not?

A classmate of mine wrote a play in which one of the characters picked up a Bible and smacked another character across the face with it. We all know that the Bible can be powerful, but when should it ever be used as a weapon against fellow humans? Nowhere does God condone cruelty for the sake of principle or stubborn pride.

There are so many immediate issues of social, political and environmental concern in the world today. Why waste time, energy and money just to make a point about literal translations in scripture?

Every day people die of starvation, thirst, murder, rape, genocide, torture and sickness. Are Christians’ time spent any better with moral lambasting and tedious lectures than if their efforts supported or aided those suffering or in pain? I really don’t think so. Personal attacks on others’ sexuality, religions or race aren’t acts of love. They’re unfortunate acts of hate, ones that give Christians a bad rap.

And, ultimately, we don’t taint the moral strength of Christ by showing love and compassion to those who need it most.

My friend mentioned that the stones we cast must not be too heavy if we carry them with us, armed and ready.

Apparently so.

April seems a strange time to think about love — but any Disney fan knows that “twitterpated” isn’t just a made up word.

Some strange phenomenon happens in the spring.

Skies open, rain falls, flowers bloom—and so does love.

However, we all know that love isn’t always guaranteed, requited or long-lasting.

Our society is at some sort of impasse. Those of us in college are at the heart of it, I think (no pun intended)—we’ve had no choice but to question love and its dubious success rate.

Those who chose monogamy do so with serious intent and a great deal of forethought and commitment to the idea of actually growing old with one other person.

There’s an unfair perception of young adults’ attitudes towards relationships.

Yes, casual sex is more prevalent than it used to be. Or, at least, it’s talked about much more publicly. Men and women appear to be looser than previous generations.

But in actuality, I think this generation is as honest as any group of young adults could hope to be.
We make no apologies for taking responsibility for our futures, our careers, our sexualities and our relationships.

When we see the majority of monogamous relationships eventually turn sour, it’s no wonder we feel that censorious older generations reek of hypocrisy.

Just look at recent news stories of prominent people — individuals we’ve not only voted for but trusted to make life altering decisions for the masses.

Michigan Senator Debbie Stabenow’s husband, Thomas Athans, paid $150 for sex with a 20-year-old prostitute.

Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer recently resigned because of a prostitution ring scandal. The ring, Emperor’s Club, employed prostitutes costing up to $31,000 a day.

Last year, Louisiana Senator David Vitter admitted to paying for an escort a few years ago because assuming office.

And seriously, do the names Monica Lewinski and Marilyn Monroe ring a bell?

Every single story ends the same way — “I made a mistake; I am human.”

Well, no duh.

We’re all human, but that does not give us the right to break marriage vows or pay for the service of others’ bodies.

It’s pretty obvious there is a definite trend emerging — and it’s just a little reminiscent of Victorian England.

Marriage has regenerated to business, prominence, power and wealth. Pleasure, family, sex and love have nothing to do with this so-called sacred sacrament and end up being explored through casual flings. Marriages that once lasted a lifetime now end after a few years, months, days or even hours.
I’m not sure exactly why. I’m guessing it has to do with self-sufficiency.

Men are returning to a Greek-like sense of brotherhood and affection (recently termed “bromance”) and either enjoying casual sex until they want to settle down or are paying for it.

Women are working harder, going to school longer and getting married later in life. Equality in the workforce and society has transcended into personal life and many young women are seeking out casual relationships until they have time or want for love and monogamy.

My point is this — men and women don’t need each other in today’s society, except for sex. And even at that…

Until our society receives a good dose of moral sense, I think we all just need to resign ourselves to the fact that our world isn’t innocent and being naïve about reality isn’t safe. At this point, the best we can hope for is being smart and responsible for our actions and our health until our generation can change that reality. And when we truly get that “twitterpated” feeling, we need to jump into it feet first and hang on with all our strength because it might be real.

Now, my final, lingering question is this — how can anyone give it up for $150 when others are charging $31,000?

Has anyone ever heard of entrepreneurship? Seriously.

Most people would agree that Grand Rapids is a pretty little big city — lots of stuff to do, a great deal of culture, but you literally run into people you know all over town and everyone knows everyone’s business.

Who would have guessed that Grand Rapids could be famous for something other than a booming medical industry or an occasional butterfly exhibit at Frederik Meijer Gardens!?

That’s right — Grand Rapids is on the map. As the Bingo Capital of the United States.

According to the Grand Rapids Press, Bingo-Lingo.com’s recent study found that Grand Rapids has more bingo games, players and halls per capita than any other metropolitan area in the country.

Though the game of Bingo is a slowly dying pastime, die-hard players still find themselves in smoky halls or at home on their computers hoping to win more money in one sitting than they would with an entire week’s worth of work.

If you could win $500 by just yelling, “BINGO!” wouldn’t you, regardless if it’s a granny sport? I would.

Bingo reached North America in 1929 and was then called “beano” because players used, well, beans to mark their boards. Rumor has it that a player with a stutter accidentally yelled “b-b-b-b-b-iinngo!” instead because she was so excited and the new name stuck.

Edwin Lowe started producing a game with cards and chips, then paid a Columbia University professor, Carl Leffler, to create 6,000 new bingo cards with non-repeating number groups.

Leffler eventually created the 6,000 cards — then he went insane.

A great deal of work went into a game that most people consider meant for coffee, bifocals and people who move at one speed — SLOW.

But in reality, today more than $90 million is spent on bingo weekly — just in North America.

It’s competitive, but it’s more than a game. Bingo’s serious.

There is a lot of easy money to be made if you can scream “BINGO!” quicker than the 80-year-old lady glaring daggers at the other end of the table.

When you enter a bingo game, you must “buy-in.” This means that you purchase an admission packet, or a certain number of cards, in order to join the game and be eligible for prizes.

If you’re serious about trying your hand at Bingo, carefully consider whether or not you’re willing to buy into a game wagering goodies like candy bars or toys or one using cash. High stakes players compete for hundreds of dollars at a time, so make sure you are prepared for the stress levels of competing for money.

Also prepare yourself for the responsibility and dangers of handling large amounts of cash. Geriatric men who have been out-bingoed for their weekly pocket money may not favor you too kindly. Watch out for dimly lit parking lots.

Experts suggest that in order to win bingo games, you must be crafty, though much of the game’s appeal is the “pure luck” factor.

Whether you choose to play online or in a bingo hall, keep yourself sharp in order to win the most amount of money.

Choose games with a limited number of players — less chaos and more chances to win.
Gain as much experience as possible.

Look out for bingo bonus balls — these are usually balls of a different color and could mean that your winnings double or you get a special prize.

Above all, play like a pro. Quit while you’re ahead if you’re on winning streak. Part of being a true champion is knowing when to walk away, whether you’re ahead or behind.

They say that real game players realize that games are just that — amusements meant to entertain and pass time. But we all know better — game boards are potentially bloody battlefields and only the toughest survive.

Play on and play strong.

NOTE: Controversial advertisements accompany this column. They should be viewed only by mature audiences.

Last week, a professor of mine brought my class’s attention to the fact that there’s a lot of danger in not understanding the context of the mass media we consume.

I think about how many mornings I flick on the T.V. in the living room and catch just a glimpse of the news while I brush my teeth, straighten my hair, do my makeup and throw my arms into my shirt all at the same time.

How many mornings do I then go on with my day, repeating just pieces of what I heard because it made for exciting news? If I hear something and repeat it falsely, how many people overhear a part of what I say and then in turn repeat it incorrectly?

What happens when news starts out as false or misrepresented before anyone ever sees it?

The answers to the above are the same — people can get hurt. Sometimes wrong information leads to physical harm, but more often than not, it’s detrimental when people develop incorrect perceptions of their world, societies, cultures and selves based on faulty or fleeting information.

Unfortunately, we, as a culture, want news entertaining and we want it now.

When that speedy information is inaccurate or taken out of context but accepted as fact, the results of such easily accessible and wide-spread communication can be disastrous.

Think of Orson Welles’ contemporary reading of H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds. The play was performed on a CBS radio station in 1938 as if it were an actual, real-time broadcast of a Martian invasion. Though the radio announcers made a statement at the beginning that the play was fictional, those tuning in part way through immediately went into a panic, believing the world was truly being destroyed by aliens.

More recent examples include a singularly controversial episode of Beavis and Butthead that aired on MTV in 1993. The “cat episode” featured the two stoners discussing the possibilities and logistics of killing a cat by sticking a firecracker up its anus.

Though Beavis and Butthead never killed a cat, many put the suggestions to life and cats wound up — let’s say, rendered unalive — across the country.

When media is taken out of context, bad things do happen. Even if information is correct and credible, if the writers’, producers’ or advertisers’ intentions are misunderstood, the backlash can cost millions.

The Breast Cancer Fund promoted a campaign in 2000 with three different controversial posters to increase awareness. The ads featured beautiful women with single or double mastectomy scars. The ads were designed to look like Victoria’s Secret, Cosmopolitan and Calvin Klein ads — all of which are known to use large breasts to sell products.

Instead of sparking talk, awareness or pride in the women’s beauty and sexuality despite no longer fitting society’s image of “beautiful,” many reacted with horror or shock to the ads, claiming they were too graphic.

The Fund’s intent was to show that until we honor women and their bodies as a culture, we can never beat a disease that attacks one of the most profound female symbols.

I realize that many in society are intelligent enough to know the difference between cartoon and reality, between blatant lies and fact. Sometimes, however, the line between what we perceive to be true does gray and we entirely miss the point.

In one episode, Beavis said to Butthead, “The future sucks. Change it.” And Butthead replied, “I’m way cool, Beavis, but I cannot change the future.”

He was wrong. We can all change the future — and it starts with correctly understanding and appreciating the present. Don’t take anything at face value, especially during an election year. Be responsible for your own knowledge and act accordingly.

I about fell over laughing this past week when I heard a radio personality talking about how much it would actually cost to buy everything in the “12 Days of Christmas” song.

So, how much would it cost you to buy your true love everything on the list?

A very cool $78,100.

If you shop online, the cost of the total 364 items, from a single partridge in a pear tree to 12 drummers drumming, is $128,886 due to shipping.

Since 1984, a group called PNC Wealth Management creates what they term the PNC Christmas Price Index every year to calculate a mirrored value of economic trends in the U.S.

Some influences for this year’s three percent increase are issues that have highlighted local and national news, as well as prices we’ve all been paying throughout the year.

For example, the minimum wage increase has bumped up the cost for eight maids a-milking to almost $47. Higher food costs have increased the cost of six geese a-laying by $60 up to $360.

Some things, on the other hand, didn’t increase in cost. Two turtledoves ($40), a partridge ($15) and three French hens ($40) remained the same. So did nine ladies dancing, at $4,759 and seven swans a-swimming, at $4,200.

PNC Wealth Management monitors jewelry stores, dance companies, pet stores and others in order to obtain average prices each year.

One of the most interesting things about the famous, well-known Christmas carol is that no one knows the origin of “12 Days of Christmas.”

One theory is that “12 Days of Christmas” really has nothing to do with buying presents — it is actually grounded in theological studies.

The origins of the carol, some say, was a coded way of teaching aspects of Catholicism during the religious wars of the 16th century. Though it’s largely dismissed as an urban legend, many still contend that the song is a mnemonic device that was meant to help children remember the Catechisms.

Whether or not the song is historically or theologically accurate is argued by both sides. However, it’s fun to take a look at what the different “gifts” could possibly mean.

The symbol of the two turtledoves is rumored to be the Old and New Testaments. The four calling birds could possibly represent the Four Gospels or the Four Evangelists.

Five golden rings could represent the first five books of the Old Testament, called the Pentateuch, which tells the story of man’s fall from grace.

The list obviously goes on all the way through the 12th day of Christmas. If one is to believe this version of the story, the true love who is giving the gifts refers to God, and the “me” receiving the presents is every baptized person.

Now, whether the legend behind the song is true or not, there is no denying that someone must have loved the author of the song to give that many unique, if unusual, gifts.

But when it comes right down to it, regardless of the gifts and mall traffic, nothing truly captures the feeling of Christmas like a good ol’ holiday carol.

So in true holiday spirit, here is a song to boost your Christmas cheer!

It starts in the last verse (please don’t imagine my horrible singing voice):

One the twelfth day of Christmas, AQ gave to me —

12 Nelson cheers
11 Holmdene hauntings
10 mangy squirrels
9 parking tickets
8 AB workmen
7 book vouchers
6 quad lectures
5 chairs from Lower Wege
4 TAP carts
3 Hruby rejects
2 flex dollars
… and coffee at the Moose for free!

How much would it cost? $92,588 (including a year’s tuition for the Hruby residents and an eight hour day for the workmen).